Lessons from my Father

In my middle age, what I feared most as a child came to pass. My father passed away. In the world of family enterprises, this is often what constitutes a promotion. Now that the initial chaos of the transition and the main grieving period has passed, I have time to reflect on what I learned from Sy Landau, my dad.

My father was special, and a scholarship was named in his honour.[1] It recognizes his contribution as a trainer of mediators, a designer of our training program, and for his general consulting skills and special qualities.

When I was young, I took some jobs at Manulife Financial where my father had spent most of his working life, as VP of Human Resources. Driving home together, he would tell stories of the characters at the top of this iconic company. The stories helped humanize (and ‘humourize’) that corporate world. They also showed how determined change agents could reshape company culture.

Much of our business was, and is, training people in mediation skills.  It is not a pure family business because it has non-family partners, as well as employees. It is here that my father’s key lesson was to be fair to all, whether family or non-family members.  Most of us can identify with the desire to have your children follow in your footsteps, and there is often a business benefit from the loyalty a family member gives to the business. He was also a stickler for high quality, and he was not one to sacrifice that just to see his child ‘succeed’.  Fortunately, Sy had cultivated relationships of trust and respect with everyone that made it possible to navigate tough issues as he grew less willing and able to work.

Family businesses notoriously do not plan and manage their successions well. My father, fortunately, did not have his self-esteem too invested in the business, nor was he too afraid to contemplate change. Experienced in strategic planning, he responded to requests for a plan of gradual succession. Still, my father’s early, prolonged and erratic decline taught me that crisis will always spur the important discussions, even as it also interferes with good planning. The timing is rarely in your control and transition is rarely predictable.

As a speaker and consultant, my father had prized qualities that are hard to replicate. He translated the big theories into pictures, charts, and above all, stories. He created most of the materials we still use in our courses. The methodology of interest-based negotiation and mediation was logical to him, and he knew how to demonstrate that logic to others. These traits were a huge asset when we co-authored our book, From Conflict to Creativity (2001).

The final lesson from my father that I will impart is a very important one: work isn’t everything. Family businesses have a tough time with the boundary between family and business. Some of us struggled with that, but not Sy. He valued his free time too much. He also knew how to make family time fun.

It is a time to reflect on the past and chart a new future. Sometimes I feel an inner struggle between my increased role in the family business and my desire for independence and self-determination. My parents never tried to force a path on me. If I listen to my father’s voice, I can hear it advising me to choose wisely and thoughtfully, with confidence and without regret. I like the sound of that voice.

[1] The Landau Family Scholarship (my father’s choice of name), created by the ADR Institute of Ontario, available through Conrad Grebel University College for their academic or certificate conflict resolution programs for someone who can make meaningful social change. Sy passed away from cancer in December 2012.